The Best (snort) Year Ever

So the year is already half over. Thank God, I say. Not that I've held any particularly high expectations for 2009, although I have to confess I was just a wee bit hopeful it might be better than previous years. But I’ve discovered that harboring such a desire is akin to wanting a new hairdo and trading in your blow dryer for a blow torch.

Both leave you burned and wondering what the hell just happened.

The economy's still tanking, the unemployment rate is at an all time high, and inflation is going through the roof. Now, to add fuel to the fire, people all around me are dying. Especially unsettling are the ones my age that are dropping dead from undiagnosed heart disease. This leaves me paranoid every time I so much as burp after gulping a Pepsi.

Besides, I can't afford to die just yet. There are still six months left in which to make 2009 my Best Year Ever. It has to be.

My horoscope said so.

Yeah, I scan my horoscope every Sunday, but with my usual horoscope attitude: If it's bad, I ignore it and if it's good, I believe it. Fair enough, dontcha think?

So here's the thing - every single Aquarian horoscope in 2008 predicted things like:

• "...if you ever wanted to make changes in your life, this is the time."
• "...your already well-known communication skills will be showcased..."
• "...the best year of the rest of your life takes off..."
• "...something wonderful is going to happen, but you don't know what."
• "...Better believe that you'll be in a very difference place come 2010."
• "...the next 10 months are a cosmic gift."

So far the first six of these ten months have been less a "cosmic gift" and more a cosmic kick in the pants. Like discovering Ex-Lax in the brownies.

But I remain hopeful that 2009 will redeem itself. This might explain why one friend always refers to me as Pollyanna. I'm an eternal optimist, she says, always seeing the good in things. I wish that were so, but know better. I'm really a closet pessimist who is always expecting the worst, like a burp turning into a heart attack.

Still, I can hope that the second half of 2009 holds something bright and happy. After all, "the new moon is shedding a light of opportunity...."

My horoscope said so.