Saturday, June 23, 2012

Gimme a Break



Good thing I have a high tolerance for pain.

Over my 50+ years I've broken wrists, ribs and jaw bones (upper and lower). I've had spinal taps, sinus infections and dental procedures so eye-crossing painful that waterboarding seemed a desired alternative. I once had a shot injected near my eyeball to treat an infected sty, and another time had all four fingers trapped in a slammed car door.

They're all child's play, I tell you, an afternoon of Chutes and Ladders when compared with a broken toe.

I first experienced the excrutiating pain of a broken toe 12 years ago when I was kicking off my pajama bottoms and miscalculated the proximity of my foot from the corner of the wall. Fatal error.

THWAP. I heard the sickening craaack and saw my second-to-last toe flop like an over-cooked macaroni. Oh no. But maybe it wasn't really broken? I tried straightening it and held it a few seconds, then let go.

Flop.

And then the neurotransmitters kicked in, shooting their damning message to the part of the brain that translates experience into sensation and ohgoodgodinheaven, the pain. The PAIN! I felt faint and saw stars and knew that this little toe was going to be big trouble.

But when I hobbled to Kaiser's Minor Injury Clinic, I didn't quite get the sympathy I expected.

"I can tape your broken toe to its neighbor and charge you $100," the doctor yawned, "or I can give you the tape so you can do it yourself and save the money. Which shall it be?"

And that's when I learned that a broken toe gets no respect.

I was reminded of this on Wednesday when I broke my little toe. I was practicing my pole dancing and slipped during a reverse triple spin when WHAM. CRACK. OUCH! (I may have slammed my toe into a desk chair, but if you believe the pole dancing story, then that's what happened.)

This time I know the drill: no sympathy. No respect. Just Advil, ice, tape and flip-flops. Oh yeah, and a playful young greyhound who's not about to let a little thing like my busted toe interfere with her daily walks. No rest for the weary or lame.

Sigh.

3 comments:

holly b said...

You pole dance too? That's fantastic. LOL. I love your humor. Sorry about that useless pinky toe that gets no respect causing you so much disrespect. :) Broken jaw bones, really? I love "injury" stories, "war" wound stories, as I have so many. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. LOL

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

I almost fainted just reading what you have been through!
Hope your toe feels much better soon!
I would have said to that doctor "I will tape it up myself if it kills me thanks." LOL
Lynne

Paper Chipmunk (aka Ellen) said...

Your experience with the doctor almost sounds like a bad Kaiser joke! Geez. Hope the pain subsides soon. And that Olivia doesn't accidentally step on your foot...

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